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Channel
6 CARRERA |
Channel VM
Montfort Newhaven |
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6:30
SUNRISE
7:00
MORNING MOVIE
Young
And Slutty (1937)
Classic Mitchcock film
starring Nova Pileum and Bruce Diamond. Country girl
Tammy (Pileum) hooks up with disgruntled sleazy politician
(Diamond) and sleeps her way to the top of Uganda's
parliament.
****
9:00
MORNING NEWS
10:30 THE ORPAH WINFREE SHOW
"Help!
My Butt Sucked Up Tokyo"
Entertaining and
informative, the Orpah Winfree Show dominates in the talk show
arena.
11:30 MURDER, HE READ
"Murder a la
Carte"
In today's episode, Jessie discovers there is
more to the a la carte buffet than meets the eye. Guest
starring Sweeney Diplick.
12:30
THE SALLY JESSIE RAPHAELO SHOW
"My
cat is innocent of that break-and-enter charge ....
Today I'll prove it!"
Sensationalist and
sweet at the same time, Sally Jessie strives to make a
mountain out of a molehill.
1:30 NEIGHBOURS
Helen has an epileptic fit in a
crowded goods lift while Lolly waxes lyrical about her
time as a go-go dancer in the 1920s.
2:05
CLASSIC MATINEE
The
Married Slut (1919)
 Jeanie Crawford
(pictured) shines as
Jennifer Flower, a 18-year-old gal who, on a hot
summer's day, discovers the wonders of sex with
musclebound construction worker Julio - all despite
her being married to uptight English barrister Bob
Flower. The film deals with pain, joy and bumping and
grinding on a London construction site.
*****
3:30
THE MATITA MA LONG HOUR
Zany Jamaican scrag
Matita Ma Long invites one and all into her home for an
hour of laughs, thrills and bedwetting.
4:30
TELEMALL SHOPPING
Today on Telemall
Shopping Ralph and Maria flog APLON, the wonder hair
removal cream. Hear testimonials and be entertained by
Bob Frankie and his Tijuana Brass.
6:00
NEWS AT 6
6:30
MSNNBCC NEWS
7:00
NEIGHBOURS [repeat]
7:30
MOVIE
Spazmo (1970)
A Neo-Nazi skinhead
develops a fetish for barbed wire fence while nursing a
broken heart - and broken penis.
**
9:30
THE GOLDEN GALS
Roselyn blows up the local
7-11. Sophie laughs.
10:00
NEWS WITH COCO
10.35
THE LATE SHOW WITH FELICITY CATSICK
Aussie gal Felicity Catsick
delivers laugh a-plenty in this lively late night
variety hour. Tonight's guests include actors Moody St
James and Ginger Milton, and singer Ricky Martinique.
11:35
THE RICKIE LAKES SHOW "My dog is suing me
for divorce!"
Now in its 10th year, The Rickie Lakes Show strives
to be the trashiest, crap-filled talk show ever!
12:40
TELEMALL SHOPPING
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6:30
GOOD MORNING
6:45
NEWS
Sit
back and relax with Fiona Brackendale, TV's sexiest
topless news presenter
7:30
MORNING
MOVIE
If
These Walls Could Fart 3 (1997)
Dr
Brad Jensen (Sweeney Diplick) has moved to rural
Louisiana to resume his medical experiments with the
help of an old-age pensioner, Dina Merril (Myrtle St
John), whose penchant for all things rubber threatens to
envelop the entire deep South.
*****
9:40
JENNIE JONES DOUBLE
"My
14-year-old is a goodie-two-shoes....Today I'll turn her
into a slut!"
"When
good girls go bad....Jennie gives them a helping
hand!"
Wholesome
Jennie Jones covers many topics on her award-winning
talk show.
11.40
ENTERTAINMENT TODAY
Daily
program featuring celebrity news, scoops and scandals,
live from Salt Lake City.
12:30
TV SHOPPING
4:30 MATINEE
The Cork Ring
(2004)
Irish
drama set in gay club called Cork Ring. Starring
Felicity Catsick and George Lazenby.
**
5:00 FIRST AT FIVE NEWS
6:00 HOME AND ASTRAY
Angel
does angel dust while Dieter has a nasty case of the
runs while surfing.
6:30 AMAZING RACE
In
tonight's episode, it boils down to the Congolese or the
Brazilian. Who will take the award for most
amazing race? Watch to find out who gets kicked out of
the snotty country club first.
7:30 DESPERATE HOUSEHUSBANDS
"Sex
and the Sextons"
 Brody
(Moody St James) indulges in a threesome with kinky new
neighbours, the Sextons, but is less than satisfied,
while Caitlin (Debby Wong) enters her cat in a baby show
with disastrous results.
8:30 MOVIE
Bustarella
(1995)
In
the year 2649, rebel leader Bustarella (Busty Bambini)
is called upon to save planet Boobie from evil space
invaders, the Dongas. The Dongas are ruthless
killers who will stop at nothing in their quest for
universal domination. Directed by Pico Armendez-Julia.
*****
11:15
LATE NEWS
11:45
GROWING PAIN IN THE NECK
Emmy
award-winning sitcom starring Kirk Douglas Cameron.
Guest starring Norman Bates.
12:20
LATE MOVIE
George III
(1918)
Silent
masterpiece starring Myrtle St John as Brindabella, the
woman who stole a king's heart - and his fortune!
*****
1:20 LATER
MOVIE
Si, Señor (1983)
Anita
Santiago, known early in her career as Anita Sanitary,
finds her feet in this early 80s Spanish thriller.
***
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Channel
8 Heinzville |
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5.45
THE MORNING NEWS
6.15
THE HENDERSONS
Benny
discovers a portal to an alternate dimension, while
Sabrina buys a dildo from the local store.
7.15
MAURY POVERTIE
"Today
I'll prove that my illegitimate baby is not really
mine!"
Watch
and enjoy as Maury helps millions on his celebrated
talkshow.
8.00
MORNING MOVIE
Mindy
Anna Jones and the Raiders of Herrundeez
(1995)
 Hooker and glue sniffer Mindy Anna Jones (Anita Santiago,
pictured) is hired
by the U.S. Government to track down and kill a rebel leader
who threatens to unleash the ancient and deadly curse of
Herrundeez upon the world.
*****
10.30
THE NORMA HOUR
Cranky
old corpse Mrs Norma Bates entertains in this variety
hour. Today's guests include: Cary Grant, Goldie Hawn
and Dame Filly Mistrel.
11.30
ENTERTAINMENT TODAY
All
the latest entertainment news from Uganda.
12.00
ZIMBABWE'S FUNNIEST HOME TURDS
Riotous
fun hosted by Zimbabwe's favourite, Bubba Oonudo
12.30
YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TV
1.30
SEX AND THE TOWN
Carey
finds love again with Mr Small, while Samantha finds
love with a back massager.
2.30
CLASSIC MATINEE
Constipation (2000)
Dr
Cheryl Crane (Bettina, Duchess of Koongal) delves deep
in her search for a cure for constipation. What she
discovers both shocks and excites her to her very core.
***
4.30
XVIII OLYMPIC COVERAGE
(Live from Heinzville)
9.00
CELEBRITY OOPS!
Hosted
by has-been Scott Baio-L'Ogy. Today's guests: Tracey
Gold, Kathleen Turner, Joey Lawrence.
10.00 DYNASTY
While
Alexis
(Joan Collins) bitchslaps everything in sight, Krystle
and Sammy Jo hatch a plan to kidnap the King of Moldavia
and make him their sex slave.
11.00 TV SHOPPING
Tonight's
featured product is the LISA DOW Step. Used by
celebrities and regular Joes alike, the LISA DOW Step
does what it claims. And it can be yours - just ten EASY
payments of $1299.
12.00
APPALLING TRASH MUSIC
2.00
LATE
MOVIE
Titanium (2001)
Medical student Petra Von Hahdon (Olestra St James)
stumbles upon the university dean's dastardly plan to
take over the world, and with her band of steroid-crazed
midget friends attempts to thwart the plan before it's
too late.
****
3.45
CRAP MUSIC LIVE |
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