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Hi,
dahlings! It is I, Fran-Tique,
the mega-talented web artiste, celebrity watcher
and closeted Murder, She Wrote fan!
I must
start by saying many thanks to you for your
ongoing support and sickening love. |
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|
Anyway, to the issue at hand. I've received
literally tons and tons of mail from you,
my sycophantic fans, so my management team has
decided to allow you to post questions on this
website and I'll answer them right here!
Isn't that inspired thinking on the part of my
management? I think so!
Tata, dahlings. xx And start
asking questions! |
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| How long have
you been fabulous? (Todd, USA) |
Oh,
forever, dahling.
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| Did
you enjoy filming your guest-starring role in Desperate
Househusbands? (Mary, UK) |
It
was fantastic. Moody St James (who plays Brody)
was such a dear! He helped me with some of my
lines....I'm a bit forgetful, you see. You know I
was paid $16 million, didn't you?
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| I've
heard your apartment in Monaco has ten bedrooms
and a solid gold toilet. Is that correct? (Jimmy,
Belgium) |
That's
half true, Jimmy. My apartment in fabulous Monaco
does have ten bedrooms, but it doesn't have a
solid gold toilet. That rumour's been going
around, but it's definitely not true.
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| Have
you ever gone topless in any of your movies? If
so, which ones? (Cindy, UK) |
So,
you like titties, do ya? My dear
les-be-friend Cindy, why don't you watch my films
and find out for yourself?
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| I
was an investor in your failed property deal with disgraced property developer Dick
Branson. For those of you who are unaware, the deal included taking 10 000 hectares of
Louisiana swampland and turning it into a residential
neighbourhood, but the deal fell apart when Branson was
imprisoned for indecent exposure at a crowded shoppers'
market in Kansas City. When am I ever gonna see the $250
million I lost in that #$&#%"
development? (Brad, USA) |
Um,
no comment.
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| I
remember seeing Something's Vibrating in the Attic
(Fran-Tique's first film, 1987) as a child.
Do you have any plans to make a sequel to this
fantastic film? (Penelope, Ireland) |
Hi,
Pene. No, sorry, there are no plans to film a
sequel.
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| Hey
Fran-Tique. Last year, you signed an autograph for
me at JOE'S SEX SHOP in Nevada. I just wanted to
say hi. (Ivar, US) |
I'm
sorry, I don't know what you are talking about.
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|
Appalling
Trash
lists your next film salary (for 2007's
Fran-Tique Takes On Tokyo) as $27
million (+20% gross profit). Don't you think
that's excessive? I personally think film stars'
salaries are out of control. What's your opinion,
Fran-Tique? (Bob, Australia) |
Look,
Bob, if that's your real name, I deserve that
money because, you know, I have to do shit like
thi......I mean, I work really hard for my money.
It's not all fashion and parties and stuff like
that. It requires a lot, and I mean A LOT, of
hard, back breaking work!
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Have
you ever been married? (Marie, Canada) |
No,
Marie, I've never been married. The right guy
hasn't come along yet.
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Where
did the name 'Fran-Tique' come from? (Frank, The
Bahamas) |
I
just came up with it, dahling. I'm really
creative, as you well know.
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