Moody St James, 25, has his hands full at the moment. The Monaco-born star is not only filming and co-producing The Pose, due for release in 2006, but is also producing the soon-to-be released Republicans are Filth, a probing documentary intent on lifting the tightly-sealed lid on the perverse sexual habits of republicans in 21st Century Britain. "Yes, I'm extremely busy," said St James to Appalling Trash. "I've wanted to make The Pose for ages, and my work on Desperate Househusbands has unfortunately precluded a lot of good movie roles. But, like, I'm not bitter." During the interview, St James was also asked to comment on a recent blunder at a press conference which saw him answer a question about web piracy with: "The seas are really choppy......like, the pirates could get really injured!" According to St James, he had misheard the question and decided to answer as best he could. "Yeah, it was embarrassing, but, anyhoo...."

Mega-popular talk show host Orpah Winfree, 45, never one to shy away from publicity, has kicked off her 19th season by posing clad in nothing but cat fur for an American men's magazine to promote her popular show. "I feel sexy and young and full of life!" exclaimed Winfree to shocked onlookers during the shoot with famed photographer Jill Bensonmum, as she paraded around Miami Beach barebreasted and proud. When contacted by Appalling Trash for his professional insight (and delicious puff pastry recipes), clinical psychologist Ben Dover, of the Florida Institute for the Insane, said: "Winfree is exhibiting all the telltale signs of Flash Your Tits Syndrome (or FYT Syndrome), which affects a small number of women over the age of 40. These women, usually wealthy, usually very self-involved, find themselves flashing their tits because they secretly crave the approval of others. You could say Winfree and the many other women are saying: 'I know my tits are sagging, but do you still like me?'"

In the previous issue of Fran-Tique's Hollywood we reported that world famous author Madge Mary Michaels, 68, had been bludgeoned by intense toyboy lover/fire artiste Flamenco AKA George Jones, 32, at her home in the Caribbean. Well, Appalling Trash can happily report that MMM is doing well and will be discharged from hospital any day now. "I'm doing really well," claimed MMM in an exclusive telephone interview with Appalling Trash. "The doctors have been great and they say I've made a terrific recovery." And what does she have to say about her brutal toyboy lover? "You know, shit happens. I have made my peace with Flamenco and I don't intend to press charges.  When he bashed my head in he was high on glue." 

Julee Carrington, the young Hollywood starlet who died under mysterious circumstances in Baja California in 1958, will be the subject of an upcoming feature film tentatively titled Watery Corpse. Young Australian actress Jenna Wade, 20, has been cast as Carrington. "I'm so surprised and excited," said Wade, who has no formal acting training. "You know, I was plucked from obscurity to play Miss Julee Carrington, Hollywood's forgotten star."  No release date has been finalised, but studio executives hope to see the film in theatres by the end of 2006.

Italian condom heir Gino de Genitalia, 38, has expressed disbelief and intense anger at his ex-wife's decision to marry his long-time rival in the condom business, Harry Durex III. "I can't believe Gina is going to do this to me," claimed the self-absorbed star to ASSWIPE magazine. "She should be focusing on raising our boys, not gallivanting all over Europe with Harry Durex." Ex-wife Gina Lollofrigida contacted Appalling Trash personally following de Genitalia's very public disapproval of her impending nuptials, and countered: "Gino's just miserable because since the divorce I've been the one that has found happiness and incredible sexual stimulation." Whatever the outcome, all good trash readers know that Gino and Gina will not be leaving the spotlight any time soon.

BRIEF TIMELINE OF MARRIAGE

Married in 1987

Gino III is born in 1988

Luigi is born in 1989

Marriage ends when Lollofrigida catches de Genitalia in bed with her physiotherapist

Divorced in 1991

Hi dahlings, It is I, Fran-Tique, delivering yet another bumper issue of celebrity news to you, my most sycophantic fans. I've searched high and low, far and wide, close-up and from a respectful distance (several celebrities have had me up on stalking charges), to bring you the latest goss. 
The other day I was very fortunate to be invited to the plush Royal Park Windsor Hotel in Beverly Hills where I had lunch with Lady Sonia McMillan, the Queen Bee of the cultured set. The wife of retired British politician Sir William McMillan, Her Ladyship has it all: money, looks, and the juiciest gossip about everyone who's anyone. One word of advice, though. Lady Sonia is a real bitch if you cross her, so watch your step ... and remember to curtsy!
Have you heard, dahlings? My new film Breaking the Rules is currently in production and will be released in late 2006. In the film I play Francine, a down-and-out hooker with really bad skin who breaks the rules by becoming America's first woman president. If you have a life, you'll definitely be looking out for this film!
I mentioned in my previous diary entry that I had attended a party in Bel-Air, hosted by none other than breakfast cereal magnate (and closeted teddy bear fondler), Jorge Pecante, where champagne flowed until the early hours, guests tickled, groped and licked whatever they could get their bejewelled fingers on, and Jeanie Crawford came first in the OVER 80s WET T-SHIRT competition. You remember? 
Well, last night I attended a soiree that puts Pecante's pussy party to shame! Bunny Be Delia's Malibu beach house was the place to be. All the Favourite People were there: Hunk Olström, the well-endowed Swedish model, was photographed flexing his muscles to an appreciative audience of one - his lover, recently outed Sean van der Spak; Orpah Winfree danced naked with several Cuban busboys (Boy, that girl gets around!); a stoned Dan Druph-McGill attempted to chat up a potted palm; Debby Wong (pictured, above) and Moody St James traded truly murderous stares across the living room, but were later seen trading bodily juices in the cabana; up-and-comer Yvonne Drake was seen throwing up in the punch bowl moments before Bunny decided to make her annual punch toast; lesbian performer Dyanne Figgett was spotted arm wrestling ever-present party animal Ursula Undress for the last packet of adult diapers (Figgett had apparently wet herself after realising she had won $10.50 in the local lottery). 
And what did Fran-Tique get up to? I hear you ask. Well, dahlings, I mingled, tickled, pashed, groped, patted, caressed and body slammed until the early hours. I bid Bunny farewell and drove off in my Mercedes X500 despite having drunk myself into a stupor and ended up driving straight off a cliff. I'm okay, but my car is, like, totally wrecked! No harm cos I'm rich!
Well, dahlings, must pack. I'm jetting off to Mustique for the weekend. Stay beautiful, and stay obsessed ... with me!