Van Peenyss Stamp 
Causes Controversy
British actor Reginald van Peenyss, who died in 1951 after a long battle with alcohol, will feature in a new series of stamps to be released by the Heinzville Stamp Association (HSA). Long admired for his uncanny ability to capture the mood of every character he portrayed, but long reviled for his ugly facial features, van Peenyss' face will be digitally altered to make for a more aesthetically-pleasing stamp. This announcement has angered thousands of film fans who have started a protest website at http://www.down-with-HSA.com. Despite the protests HSA President June Toffnohz will not back down, and plans to release the stamp on the 31st January 2006, the day van Peenyss choked on his own vomit after a three-day drinking binge. "I think it's terrible that the HSA wants to stuff around with van Peenyss," ranted van Peenyss fan, Bryan Lewzer. "He's one of Hollywood's greatest actors. He certainly doesn't deserve this!" When contacted by Appalling Trash for its thoughts on the matter, the van Peenyss family stated that "the family is doing all it can to block the release of this particular stamp. They want their father and grandfather to be remembered the proper way - as the ugly Brit who died in his own vomit."

It's Las Vegas Or Bust For Busty
Cash-strapped Italian actress Busty Bambini, 32, is heading to Las Vegas to earn oodles and oodles of dough to pay off creditors, Appalling Trash has learned. The blonde bombshell was shocked to discover recently that millions of dollars had been taken by her manager, who has since fled to Brazil with his toy boy companion Tico. The star of such hits as Bustarella (1995), Spider-Monkey Man (2001) and A Land Of Johns (2005) has been lured to Las Vegas by PawnCo., owned by entertainment kingpin Jean-Luc Pawn, with an offer to star in ten one-night to-be-determined performances. For these, Bambini will earn a cool $40 million. A source close to Bambini says, "Busty was completely shocked and appalled when she discovered that millions had been stolen, and she has decided to do something about it. The Las Vegas shows may end up humiliating Busty, but she's prepared to do that so she can continue to live the life she was so accustomed to." There has been no word from Bambini herself, meanwhile PawnCo. confirmed that they were in talks with the actress, but could not divulge any other details.

Phuc Mi Phuc-ed, 
Claims Sister
Documentary maker Phuc Mi, 38, has been arrested and charged with first-degree murder in Caracas, Venezuela, according to reports filed yesterday. Chinese Phuc Mi, who shares directing duties with twin sister, Phuc Yu, 38, was in Venezuela scouting locations for their upcoming documentary on phlegm titled Phlegmaganza v.1 (set for release in 2009) when the incident occurred. In an exclusive telephone interview with Appalling Trash, Phuc Yu claimed "the whole thing was set-up. My sister was an unwitting pawn in a drug war between rival gangs. The guys she thought were local guides turned out to be drug smugglers, and when things went awry an innocent sugarcane farmer was killed - but not by Phuc Mi. She didn't pull the trigger that blew the guy's head off at the neck. The police have been no help, and neither has the Chinese Embassy. I'm really worried about my sister's fate." When contacted by Appalling Trash, the Ambassador to Venezuela said that her embassy was doing all it could to help the sisters, but stressed that it could be weeks or months before the case went to court.

Druph-McGill To Play 
Warrior Clone
British actor Dan Druph-McGill, 26, has accepted the role of V.2 in Cloning The World, due for international release in 2007. The classic series of sci-fi novels by I.P. Dayly Hollywood insiders said could never be made into a movie has a tentative cast and budget of $130 million. "I'm very interested in playing V.2," said Druph-McGill at a recent press conference to promote current film Breaking Wind. "As a child I read and re-read the novels and dreamed of bringing the fantasy to the Silver Screen." In the novels (set in the year 2065) clone V.2 must fight to save all other clones from mass extermination when a flaw in their clone DNA is discovered by the human overlords. "It's gonna be a fantastic film," added Druph-McGill, puffing on a cigar. "I'm such a great actor that I know I'll do the novels justice!"

Fran-Tique's Diary
Well, dahlings, I attended an exclusive soiree a few nights ago at the home of a prominent international social identity... Lady Nonnie West. She's been laying low, you know, ever since that horrific bikini waxing incident at Madame Korner a few months back. Fully recovered from the ordeal and sporting a startling new look courtesy of J Lo's uber-stylist Jane Marple, Lady L was certainly back in the social saddle. The songbird socialite was in Brizvegas as a guest of the Royal Save the Fat Foundation, an organisation actively campaigning to stockpile liposuction residue to aid in vital land reclaiming in Monaco. Worshipping at Nonnie's shrine of loveliness that evening was Senorita Carmelita Nacho, Mexican silent screen goddess amazingly approaching 95 and still glittering in a gold lame turban and her own teeth. La Nacho was joined by Italian condom heir Gino de Genitalia (fresh from giving evidence at the Michael Jackson trial), ravishing eskimo heiress Mumu Icecap and a blast from the past - Dr Grace Thrush, editor of the Isle of Wight's only high fashion/veterinary social weekly "Osbourne House Review". Guests boogied on into the early hours to the trancy sounds of George Zamphir and his pan pipe...Nonnie flew out of Brisbane later the next day to attend the Woorabinda Mozart Festival accompanied by a surprise new paramour. Guess who?

The Married Slut Tops International Film Survey
Silent Classic The Married Slut (1919) has been voted the top film of all time by the readers of Film International Magazine. When contacted by Appalling Trash, its controversial star Jeanie Crawford, now 102, said "making the film required a lot of time, blood, sweat and tears. I'm overjoyed to see that the film still makes an impact. Thank you, film fans." It's interesting to note that while the George Kookur-directed film has now achieved classic film status the production was not without problems. In fact, many problems plagued the set. One such problem was that Crawford was only sixteen when she made this film. There was huge outcry when the film was released - most of it from Crawford's parents - who had been unable to stop their headstrong daughter from starring in it. (Due to strict child labour laws, Crawford had divorced her parents one year earlier.) Headstrong Crawford was, at times, a massive pain in the ass for director George Kookur, whose reputation for being level-headed and calm in a crisis was sorely tested by the Canadian starlet. When Crawford failed to show for a 5am call on one particular day during the shoot, Kookur shot one of his assistants in the leg with a sawn-off shotgun (that he had purchased for that very purpose). Realising his boss was under a lot of pressure, the assistant declined to press charges, and for his loyalty was given more responsibility at the studio: 20-hour days with a 20-minute lunch break. According to legend, the on-set antics of Crawford and Pittman verged on the pornographic. Though a protective sheath was worn by Pittman in all scenes, at times the two actors got "very touchy feely" and at one stage the shoot had to be shut down due to a malfunctioning air conditioner that had overheated due to the heavy "intercourse" between the two stars. ("Haha, I was young and horny. Give me a break, it was 1919!" Crawford later said in an in-depth interview about the film.) Many filmgoers tend to forget that the film was savaged by critics and attacked by conservative politicians and family groups for its unwholesome premise when it was released in late 1919. But despite the initial outrage, the film went on to win the Moscar for Best Film and one for Best Supporting Actress (for Sybil Danbury). There was no nomination for Crawford, however. Margaux Trapper, the late popular New York film critic who once lent her considerable celebrity (and dildo) to the now-bankrupt Utah company that during the 1970s marketed cut-price adult diapers to homeless Mormon freedom fighters, observed in her 1997 book that "The Married Slut explores sexuality and unresolved constipation like no other film ever seen on the Silver Screen. Jennifer (Crawford) emotes like a rocket ready to be launched into outer space, capably humping, pumping and thumping her way into mental oblivion and back again."