Celebrity News Issue

Marie D'Ogturd, that zany Parisian tramp with an overabundance of underarm hair, has been found dead in her Paris apartment ...... Classic film Empire of the Ants is one of the most hilarious trash films of the 1970s ...... Beryl's, the swanky club for the rich and downright ugly, will host a Phlegmathon this Sunday in Monte Carlo ...... Marion Loomis-Crane-Curtis, the shower slashing survivor of yesteryear, has released a new workout video ...... Sexually frustrated secretary to the stars, Amanda Brewis, has come under fire for using Judge Judy's court papers to wipe her **** ...... Busty Bambini AKA Miss Trash 2003, completes her one-year reign today.

Dame Filly Mistrel, that sassy socialite from Keithonia, has new breast implants ...... Demi Moron is currently filming G.I. Can't Act, a sequel to 1997's mega-flop G.I. Jane ...... Sweeney Diplick, the multi-talented midget circus artiste, will be a guest on Norma Bates' hit talk show Norma on Tuesday ...... Feminist author Felicity Catsick is on the promotional trail once again, this time promoting her range of perfume, MenStraight ...... Former Dullus star, Sharleen Titlon, has been arrested for baring her breasts during an episode of COPS ...... Volupti Curvacea, the Italian sexpot actress extraordinaire, has signed a $10 deal to be industrial chemical giant Acme's new covergirl.

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Issue 02